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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24010843">Summer</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/gildedfrost/pseuds/gildedfrost'>gildedfrost</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Established Relationship, Fluff, Good Parent Amanda (Detroit: Become Human), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mpreg, Tourette's Syndrome, Trans Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Trans Gavin Reed, Unplanned Pregnancy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:14:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,333</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24010843</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/gildedfrost/pseuds/gildedfrost</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“You can’t be serious,” Connor mutters, shaking the stick in his hand and giving it a stern glare as if that will make it change its mind, like some desperate attempt at having the universe bend to his whim. This is absolutely not what he needs right now, not with the stress of the case he’s working, or his brother getting divorced, or the growing mold spot in his apartment...</p><p>The test remains stubbornly persistent: Two blue lines.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Connor/Gavin Reed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>141</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You can’t be serious,” Connor mutters, shaking the stick in his hand and giving it a stern glare as if that will make it change its mind, like some desperate attempt at having the universe bend to his whim. This is absolutely not what he needs right now, not with the stress of the case he’s working, or his brother getting divorced, or the growing mold spot in his apartment...</p><p>The test remains stubbornly persistent: Two blue lines.</p><p>Great. Just perfect, he thinks with a sigh, dropping the test to the floor with a clatter and putting his head in his hands. His nose scrunches up twice.</p><p>It’s been three months since he broke up with his ex. They had some disagreements--a lot of them--and the sex was lackluster (and what a blow to Julian’s ego that was). Two and a half months since he spent a weekend with a rebound, both of them seeking companionship and a good time.</p><p>One and a half months since he started seeing Gavin.</p><p>That’ll go over well, telling Gavin he’s pregnant with another man’s child. God. He’s not sure if Gavin will be livid, concerned, or joyful. Probably a mix of the first two, plus a healthy dash of jealousy. No doubt there’s going to be an argument. They haven’t argued yet, but Gavin’s a rough guy, and Connor knows what he’s getting into with people like him.</p><p>(At least, he hopes he does. His bets are on Gavin not giving a shit about his gender, but that’s a whole other can of worms that could turn south.)</p><p>Gavin isn’t the problem here, though. His finances and mental health are far more important. He doesn’t want to drop money on an abortion and he definitely doesn’t want to spent money taking care of an entire child, and it’s far too soon to be thinking about whether he wants a kid or not (oh, god, he’s carrying a <em>child</em>) when he was puking up his guts not half an hour ago and debating whether to swear off pizza for the rest of his life.</p><p>The thought of being three months along has him dizzy.</p><p>He throws out the test, orders ice cream, and takes a shower.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“You know how they say testosterone isn’t effective birth control?” Connor says around an indignant mouthful of lime sorbet, eaten straight from the pint. “Because I’ve had the worst indigestion for the past month, and you’ll never guess why.”</p><p>“It’s nice to hear from you, dear.” Amanda’s voice is steady and patient on the other end of the call. “We haven’t spoken since New Year’s. It’s about time we caught up. How is everything? Are you well?”</p><p>“Texting counts.” They’ve kept in touch through texts and online messages, including the group chat for them and Connor’s brothers, though he feels a little bad that he hasn’t called in so long. It’s May, but it sure as hell doesn’t feel like it. “So the delivery service thought lime sorbet was an appropriate replacement for mint chocolate chip froyo and I feel like that sums up my emotional state right about now.”</p><p>“Are you going to have a breakdown?”</p><p>“No clue. I’m pregnant. I don’t know who the father is. I mean, me, duh, but the other guy. It’s fifty-fifty, and not my current boyfriend, because we haven’t--” Connor puts down his spoon and pinches the bridge of his nose. One side of his mouth twitches twice in a half-smirk and he blinks rapidly. His face is flushed pink with embarrassment; it’s hard enough to say any of this, and here he is babbling on, when for all he knows Amanda’s disappointed in him. “I found out an hour ago and I don’t know what to think. Or do. I should probably see a doctor?”</p><p>“Congratulations,” Amanda says warmly. “Seeing a doctor would be a good first step. They’ll be able to provide or refer you to resources you’ll need. You sound stressed, but I assure you, I don’t think you’ll need to worry about the medical side of things. Medicine’s come a long way.”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m stressed. Very stressed.” He pokes at the sorbet with the spoon. “I’m still trying to orient myself. You’ve been through this before, right?”</p><p>There’s a moment of silence, then: “Connor, you’re adopted.”</p><p>He closes his eyes. Of course. Being a mother doesn’t mean she’s ever given birth. “I need a coffee. Or vodka.”</p><p>“Even I know you shouldn’t drink while pregnant. Have some decaf, it’s too late for caffeine.”</p><p>“Only if you’re a coward,” he mumbles, glancing at the time on the microwave. Nine at night. “I don’t know. I feel like I’m going to freak out. Is that normal? I feel like it’s normal.”</p><p>“It’s normal,” she assures him. “Especially for an unexpected pregnancy. Can one of your brothers stop by? It sounds like you could use some company.”</p><p>“Maybe.” He’s not sure if he wants someone else around or not, but he knows his mother would come around if she were in town. “Look, Amanda, I’m--it’s been at least two and a half months. Maybe longer. Maybe even four months. I had no idea.”</p><p>“Deep breaths, Connor. You’re okay. You have time to think about this and people who will be there for you. I can come over this weekend, okay? We’ll sort everything out. You’re not alone.”</p><p>“I don’t know the first thing about--this. I don’t know if I have a lot of time to make decisions.” He bites his lip, anxiety and dread making his heart beat faster. “I’m not prepared for this. I haven’t decided if I even want this.”</p><p>“We’ll support you no matter your decision. I promise,” Amanda insists.</p><p>“Okay,” he says quietly. “Thanks. I’ll… try to stop thinking so much.”</p><p>“I’m always here for you. Call me if you need anything. I love you, Connor.”</p><p>“Love you too.” The sorbet is melting and he doesn’t want to finish it. “Bye.”</p><p>“Goodnight.”</p><p>He puts the sorbet in the fridge and goes to bed before he can make any bad decisions.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The next morning, Connor resolves to keep his head on straight and his emotions in check. That resolution lasts up until he opens the fridge, and he cries quietly after tossing the sorbet, feeling some awful mix of pissed off and distraught. He manages to compose himself before leaving the house and gets to work with no further issue.</p><p>Suddenly, he’s awfully self-conscious. He wonders if he’s walking differently or has some sort of air about him that sets him apart. He’s certain no one can see any sort of baby bump--he sure can’t--but doubt creeps in, wiggling into his consciousness anytime someone looks at him a moment too long or acts in any way unusual. His tics have ramped up, all the smirking and blinking and finger twitching on full display, and he shrinks in on himself every time he makes a soft noise in his throat.</p><p>Connor tries to focus on his work, he really does, but he’s halfway through a case report and he’s rewritten the same sentence five times, messing something up each time but unable to get the sentence complete even in his head. His eyes feel glazed over and he’s definitely out of it, mind flipping between some blank sort of anxiety, what to do if he decides on an abortion, and what his life could look like with a kid.</p><p>He doesn’t think he’d make a great father, but the thought of himself raising a child makes his heart dance in a very good way.</p><p>“Earth to Connor,” Hank says, snapping his fingers in front of Connor’s face. Connor starts, blinking up at Hank. He hadn’t even noticed the lieutenant get up from his seat, but now he’s got a coffee in one hand and a tablet tucked under his arm.</p><p>“Do we have an update?” Connor asks. They’ve got three active cases they’re working on together, waiting on news or follow ups.</p><p>“We’ve got an interview with Morgan in an hour.” Hank gestures with his head toward the break room. “Let’s talk it over before we head out.”</p><p>“Sure.” Grateful for the distraction, Connor locks his terminal, following along. He immediately makes for the coffee maker, grabbing one of the better pods of coffee and brewing it strong.</p><p>He remembers arguing with Gavin here on his first day of work, the two of them snipping at each other like rivals at first sight. Somehow they managed to garner each other’s respect over the months, up until Gavin moved to the tenth precinct a year ago. The move has proved fortuitous given that they couldn’t have had a relationship while working at the same location.</p><p>He sits at the table across from Hank, who has the tablet propped up, and sips at his coffee. It makes him feel a little less like a disaster to see bags under Hank’s eyes. The other man might’ve gotten here on time today, but he sure looks like he has a hangover. “What’ve we got?”</p><p>“I want to go over some questions and points together so we’re on the same page, but first, I gotta ask. Are you alright? You don’t even look like you’re awake yet.”</p><p>Connor groans. “I’m awake, just not really here, I suppose,” he says. “I’m having a minor crisis. It shouldn’t affect my work. Much. I mean, when I’m out in the field, I’ll have more than a screen to focus on, so I’ll be good.”</p><p>“What’s going on?” Hank asks, leaning forward. His expression softens. “Do you need anything? Did something happen?”</p><p>“It’s personal. I’ve got some things to sort out this week.” Nevermind that said things are weighing on him like a sack of bricks. He nods at the tablet. “Let’s get to work. I could use the distraction.”</p><p>Hank looks him over carefully, then acquiesces, pulling up the file for the case they’re working.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Connor sees Gavin Wednesday evening.</p><p>He thinks he’s managing things alright. No breakdowns, no drinking--only a bit of crying and a lot of googling, plus a spiteful trip to the grocery store to collect three pints of proper dairy ice cream. His mind feels like a whirlwind in which he can’t catch a complete thought.</p><p>They meet at a small burger joint for dinner, one of their usual spots, sitting across from each other after a quick kiss. They’re not overtly affectionate in public, and Connor’s comfortable with that, though part of him wishes he could hold tight to Gavin right now and pretend things are the same as they were last week. (As he thought they were, at least.)</p><p>Instead, they make awkward small talk as they wait for their meals. Connor slowly relaxes, eyes tracking Gavin’s hands as he talks and the curve of his mouth when he grins. He’s clean-shaven and smells good, and Connor realizes he’s hardly looked in a mirror himself these past couple of days, stubble growing out and hair hastily gelled.</p><p>Gavin’s in the middle of a story about his old apartment--something about the ceiling falling in--but Connor stopped paying attention a couple minutes ago, his mind not quite focusing on words so much as the sound of Gavin’s voice. “My mom’s visiting this weekend,” he says, interrupting Gavin. “I think you should meet her.”</p><p>“Huh.” Gavin frowns, then grins, and Connor can’t help but mimic the action. “Didn’t think we’d reached the ‘meet the family’ stage yet. So there’s your mom, your brothers…”</p><p>“She lives in Grand Rapids, so it’s not like we see each other all the time. It would be a good opportunity.”</p><p>Their food comes along, and the two of them dig in, taking their first bites: Gavin with his burger, Connor with his chicken salad. (Extra cheese, and the chicken is breaded. He thinks he deserves it.) He thinks about what he could and should tell his boyfriend, and decides to tear off one bandaid before it weighs on him.</p><p>“So is there--”</p><p>“I’m trans,” Connor says, speaking at the same time as Gavin.</p><p>Gavin blinks at him. “Alright,” he says. “Do you mean that as in you’ve already transitioned, or…?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Connor spears a piece of chicken and pops it in his mouth, chewing nervously.</p><p>“Neat. This doesn’t change anything for us, right?”</p><p>Connor sighs, shoulders relaxing. “No. But it’s something that impacts my life and will impact yours. Especially whenever we have sex.”</p><p>“Great. I am, too. Trans, I mean.” He chuckles. “Small world, isn’t it?”</p><p>“No shit?” Connor leans forward, taking in Gavin’s face again. He never would’ve guessed. “Thank god. I was worried I’d have to play Q&amp;A on what that even meant.”</p><p>“And here I was worrying about the same thing. Or sometimes even the decent guys are just assholes, you know?”</p><p>“That’s what I like about you. You’re honest and upfront. A classy asshole.”</p><p>“That might be the first time anyone’s ever called me classy,” Gavin says. “I’ll take it.”</p><p>They eat their dinners, and when they leave, they kiss each other outside of Connor’s car. It’s intimate and not too slow, and maybe their hands wander just a bit, and when Connor lies down in bed that night, he feels like part of his life is still stable.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Friday is worse.</p><p>He left work early and now he’s at home, stuck with his thoughts and an uneasy stomach while streaming a movie on his TV. He thinks about calling Gavin, but decides against it; the other man’s working late, and besides that, has to work all weekend. The meeting with his mother won’t work out. Connor’s a little disappointed, but it might be for the better that he doesn’t try to pack too much into one weekend.</p><p>The movie’s only background noise. His mind inevitably drifts like it has all week. He has an appointment set up, but where he goes from there is a huge decision.</p><p>It freaks him out to have something growing inside of him, in an organ he doesn’t want because of biology he’s never liked. He wavers between ignoring the physicality of the situation and feeling sickeningly dysphoric. He doesn’t want the responsibility of a kid or the strain on his body, mental health, and finances. He knows he wouldn’t be able to deal with carrying this to term and then giving the kid away; if he made the decision to go through with the terrifying thought of giving birth--and oh, god, he’s never thought about giving birth--he wouldn’t feel any better about it by losing his child to someone else, no matter that it wouldn’t impact his finances anymore.</p><p>It should be an easy choice. If he doesn’t have the child, he won’t need to stop taking testosterone. There won’t be any birth-related complications or fees. He won’t have to restructure his life to accomodate a newborn, taking parental leave and figuring out how to balance childcare and parenting. He won’t need to move to find more space and get away from that mold spot.</p><p>And then there’s Gavin. They haven’t been dating for long, and neither had given any hint about ever wanting a child. This would be out of the blue and really make or break their relationship. If Connor decides to keep it, he can’t have a boyfriend who’s unwilling to commit to a child, and he knows that’s a tall order.</p><p>An abortion would be the most logical choice.</p><p>Problem is, he’s starting to get attached.</p><p>He has a living being inside of him. An entire human fetus, completely reliant on him, made from him and sharing his blood. At this point it would even have a heartbeat. It feels like he’s protecting and nurturing this child he can’t even see or feel yet, and that scares him.</p><p>He doesn’t really want to get rid of it.</p><p>He starts on another tub of ice cream and stubbornly tries to pay attention to the movie.</p><p>Too much attention, he realizes later, as he sifts through the characters’ names in his head to pick out ones that he likes.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Amanda arrives Saturday morning with his favorite coffee in hand. Connor welcomes her in. It really has been too long since they’ve seen each other. She pulls him into a hug after setting down the coffee despite his protests, and then the two of them are seated at the kitchen table, sunlight filtering in through the window and making the place seem warmer and more homely than it really is.</p><p>Connor feels like his nerves are vibrating. He sips at his coffee, a raspberry latte, and offers an awkward smile made a little more awkward by his tics. “I missed you.”</p><p>“I missed you, too.” Amanda smiles at him like he’s precious, not a hint of disappointment on her face. She used to be tough on him and his brothers, pushing them too hard and putting too much weight on their achievements and academic or professional performance, but the distance that comes with adulthood has smoothed things out remarkably. “How is everything? Are you managing alright?”</p><p>“Working on it. I’ve got an appointment Monday.”</p><p>“With a doctor or therapist?”</p><p>He winces. “Doctor. I’ll be fine, and I promise I’ll look into therapy in a week or two. I’m aware I’m not handling this well.”</p><p>She shakes her head. “You’re handling this remarkably well. This isn’t easy, and it won’t get any easier. But you could use the support that a professional can provide.”</p><p>“Oh.” He takes another drink of his coffee. “Speaking of support, I came out to my boyfriend. It went well. He wanted to meet you, but it didn’t work with his schedule this weekend.”</p><p>“What does he do?”</p><p>“He’s a detective in the next precinct over. We used to work together.”</p><p>Amanda hums. “We’ll have to sort something out, then. Maybe next month? Or sooner, if you need me here.”</p><p>“I don’t want to mess up your schedule,” Connor says. He knows they’re family, but one trip out here is still a decent time investment.</p><p>“Don’t presume to be in command of my schedule,” she says, a smile pulling at her lips. “This is big. You’ve got a man who’s important in your life and you’re carrying a child. I want to be part of your life, especially at this moment.”</p><p>Connor looks away and blinks rapidly, emotions welling up. “Thank you,” he says, pushing down the wave that threatens to pull tears to his eyes. “So… I think I want to keep it.”</p><p>“But you’re undecided?”</p><p>“It’s a huge decision. It would affect everything, from my job to my relationship to you and my brothers. I’d have to move”--his eyes dart to the mold spot in the living room ceiling--“and it would be a financial hit.”</p><p>Amanda sips at her coffee as he speaks. “You know you’ll have our support. It takes a good deal of work to raise children, but you have to take things one at a time. If you look at the mountain of changes all at once, of course it will seem insurmountable. These things can be worked out. The most important questions to ask are if you can manage the additional stress and if you want to raise a child.”</p><p>“I don’t know. It’s so much responsibility.” He’s always been fairly responsible, but this feels like it’s on a whole other level. He puts a hand on his stomach. “But I don’t want to get rid of it. I don’t want to be stuck thinking about what could have been, and… it’s a life inside of me. I don’t want to take that away.”</p><p>“I’m glad you’ve found the chance to think on it. Have you spoken with anyone else?”</p><p>“Nope. I’m not ready for that,” he says. “I need to make this decision first, and I want to make it on my own. I just need your help to sort through it.”</p><p>“Well, that decision doesn’t need to come now.” She lifts her eyes to the window, looking out over the buildings across Detroit from his seventh-story apartment. “How do you feel about going for a walk in one of the parks? It’s been years since I’ve seen them in bloom.”</p><p>“Fresh air would do me some good,” he agrees.</p><p>By the end of that weekend, he’s decided.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Connor sends a meme to the family group chat, an image compilation of people asking “im pregnat??” and other misspellings of similar questions on discussion boards. Amanda replies with a thumbs up, August responds with a clapping emote and a “holy shit,” and Nines DMs him with “call me.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Fourteen weeks.</p>
<p>“Holy shit,” Connor whispers when he finds out. He almost passes out when he hears the heartbeat through a stethoscope.</p>
<p>It’s real. It’s really real, and he has pictures of the ultrasound--pictures of his baby--in a folder in his hands. He’s carrying this tiny life inside of him and it’s going to become his child. It <em>is</em> his child.</p>
<p>A week ago, he never thought he’d have to make this sort of decision. Kids were never a part of the equation of his life. Now he’s overwhelmed with trepidation and excitement and some sort of fondness he might not call love, but which could grow to be.</p>
<p>Once the folder is safely at his apartment and he’s back at work, lunch in hand, he grabs a seat in the break room. It’s just past noon. He scarfs down a few solid chomps of his sub, then dials Nines.</p>
<p>His brother picks up right away.</p>
<p>“What’s going on?” Nines asks before Connor can get a word in. “Are you serious? Are you okay? Do you need anything?”</p>
<p>Connor rolls his eyes, but he can’t blame him for the nerves, especially when he’s still anxious himself. “Yes, I’m serious. Everything’s fine. Before you ask, it’s Julian’s.”</p>
<p>“Does your boyfriend know?”</p>
<p>“That doesn’t matter,” he snaps, irritated that he jumped to that question so quickly. It isn’t Nines’ business when and how Connor discusses this with Gavin. A couple of half-smirks cross his face and he takes another bite of his sandwich. His tics have been worse with all the excitement and it frustrates him.</p>
<p>“Okay. You’re right, I shouldn’t pry,” Nines says, backing off from that topic. “Are you happy with this? Is this what you want? I sort of assumed you wouldn’t want this.”</p>
<p>“You would’ve been right. It’s kind of funny how quickly we can change our minds.” Connor’s vaguely aware of someone getting coffee behind him.</p>
<p>“When’s the due date?”</p>
<p>“October 12.”</p>
<p>Nines whistles. “That’s only five months from now. Did you have any idea?”</p>
<p>“Nope. Totally oblivious. Better late than never, right? That would be a hell of a thing to find out by surprise.”</p>
<p>“Well, congratulations. I mean it, though. Let me know if you need anything. I don’t actually know much about pregnancy. Does it hurt at all? Are you sick? Do you have any food cravings?”</p>
<p>“Not really. I talked to Amanda first, by the way. I thought she might have some advice, and she did, so I’m less freaked out than when I first found out. Honestly, I’m still wrapping my head around this. I understand it, but part of me doesn’t believe it yet,” Connor says. Nines has always been the kindest of them all, the one with the most empathy and most willing to stick his neck out for the other two. It’s a comfort to know he’s there for him. “I’m feeling all sorts of emotions right now that I need to work through. Do you want to come over for dinner tonight?”</p>
<p>“Yes. There’s this new Lebanese place I want to try. I’ll send you the menu. Should I invite Gus?” Nines asks.</p>
<p>“He’s got some sort of appointment tonight for his divorce. Go ahead, but he might be busy.” The middle triplet, August, has been having a rough time with his husband. Their first couple of years out of college went well, but it’s been downhill ever since, with disagreements and arguments, their personalities and plans for the future always clashing. Connor likes Leo, and he’s made a strong relationship with Leo’s brother, Markus, so he hates that the two haven’t been able to reconcile, but he’s glad that they’re finally moving forward.</p>
<p>“Okay. Promise you’ll call me if--”</p>
<p>“Yes, mom, I promise I’ll call you if I so much as feel my knuckles crack. I’ll see you at dinner. Bye.” Connor hangs up and promptly cracks all of his knuckles one by one, the sound and release equally satisfying.</p>
<p>There’s a groan behind him. “Was that really necessary?”</p>
<p>Connor glances over his shoulder to see Hank. “It’s like a yawn. You think about it and you have to do it.”</p>
<p>“Firstly, it’s not, and secondly, fuck you.” Hank takes a seat across from him, turning his head to the side and yawning. Connor has to stifle his own yawn, earning a wry look from Hank. “You holding up okay?”</p>
<p>“Better than last week. I’m doing okay. Less distressed and less distracted. Well, still distracted. Anyway, I’m good now.”</p>
<p>“Your doctor appointment go alright? Nothing life-changing, I hope.” Hank sips at his coffee.</p>
<p>“Are you purposely trying to eavesdrop on my phone calls?”</p>
<p>“Come on,” Hank says. “You already told me you had a visit scheduled. I’m just checking up on you.”</p>
<p>“Everything’s fine. No issues to worry about.” Connor chews his lip, fingers crinkling the paper around his sandwich. He doesn’t exactly want to come out, and to someone at work, no less, but he trusts Hank. Besides that, it’s not like he’ll be able to keep it a secret when he starts to show, and he’s certainly not going to keep his baby in the shadows.</p>
<p>His baby. He smiles at the thought, one of the many little smiles that’s been crossing his face all day.</p>
<p>“Can you keep a secret?” Connor asks. “Just for this week. I haven’t told Gavin yet, but this should be something he hears from me.”</p>
<p>Hank leans forward, looking serious. “Of course. What’s going on?”</p>
<p>“I’m pregnant,” Connor says.</p>
<p>“What?” Hank chuckles, a little uncertain. “Okay, but really, what is it?”</p>
<p>Connor stares at him, the smile slipping off his face, and he watches the realization dawn on Hank.</p>
<p>“You’re serious,” Hank says.</p>
<p>“Completely.” This was a horrible idea. He shouldn’t have told Hank, or he should have at least not told him at work, and now these next months are going to be awkward and terrible, with Hank second-guessing him every step of the way. There’s going to be strange looks and rumors. Hank’s not going to work well with him anymore, not knowing this, and…</p>
<p>“Hey.” Hank touches Connor’s hand, and that jolts him out of the spiral his mind was taking. Connor’s muscles are all tensed up. “Congrats. I’m sorry. I thought you were trying to add some levity to the conversation, but I assumed you weren’t trans. But I’m happy for you, really. I think you’ll make a great father.”</p>
<p>Connor blinks slowly at Hank as his mind catches up to the conversation, and he clenches his hands a few times. The worry isn’t completely washed away, but most of it dissipates with the apology. “Oh. Thanks.” He shifts in his seat, feeling the adrenaline from coming out making him restless. It’s a huge relief that Hank understands, and he sounds genuine about it, too. “You really think so?”</p>
<p>“Once you’re committed to something, you don’t stop. I can’t see you giving this any less than your all. Same with Gavin. I can barely imagine him as a father, but as rude as he is, he goes hard for the people he cares about.”</p>
<p>“It’s not his,” Connor blurts out. His face turns beet red once he realizes what he’s said. “I mean--I don’t--Shit. We didn’t start dating until a couple months ago, and this is more than a couple months along.” He laughs nervously, ending with a click in the back of his throat, and he shuts his mouth quickly.</p>
<p>“You’re worried he’ll be upset,” Hank gathers, and Connor nods. “Well, if he gets pissed off about it, he’s a dick.”</p>
<p>“I’m more worried he won’t want a child. That this will make or break our relationship. Our friendship, even. It’s a lot to ask of him, for such a big commitment so soon. I know it’s selfish to want him to stay.”</p>
<p>Hank shrugs. “All you can do is give him the choice and some time to decide.” He raises his coffee. “Here’s hoping whatever happens, it’s the best for you and your kid.”</p>
<p>His kid. He still can’t believe it.</p>
<p>Connor raises his sandwich, then resumes eating. Hank’s right and he knows it. There’s no use dwelling on what could happen when he can go ahead and get it over with.</p>
<p>Tomorrow, he tells himself. He’ll talk with Gavin tomorrow.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Tomorrow comes way too fast.</p>
<p>He sits next to Gavin on the couch in Gavin’s apartment. It’s the first time he’s been here, and does a poor job of keeping himself calm. He’s fidgety, shifting every few seconds, and he’d be moving his hands nonstop if Gavin weren’t holding onto one of them. There’s a game show on TV that neither of them are paying much attention to and a half-finished pizza on the coffee table in front of them.</p>
<p>Connor’s getting a little sick of takeout by now.</p>
<p>“I can’t remember the last time I cooked anything that wasn’t a microwave meal,” Connor says. He’s sick of those, too. “I should get back into the habit of making actual food.”</p>
<p>“Like mac and cheese?”</p>
<p>“I was thinking more along the lines of stir fry and casseroles. Easy, makes leftovers, hard to mess up. Then make my way up from there.”</p>
<p>“What about baking?” Gavin asks. “It’s been a while, but I used to make the perfect cupcakes. You remember--I brought them into the precinct once, back when we worked together. Chocolate with buttercream frosting and a hazelnut butter center.”</p>
<p>“Cookie crumbs on top, right? I remember.” Slowly, Connor rests his head on Gavin’s shoulder. “How’s work going? You miss Tina?”</p>
<p>“Not as much as I miss you.”</p>
<p>Connor grins. “Don’t lie to me, Gav, I know you two are tight.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but that’s like, sibling tight. There’s only so much Tina that I can tolerate.”</p>
<p>“God, I know how that is,” Connor says. He runs his thumb across the back of Gavin’s hand. “I was thinking if I get good at cooking, maybe in a few years I’d be good enough to feed a kid.”</p>
<p>Gavin’s hand tightens around his. “A kid, huh? How long have you been thinking about that?”</p>
<p>“Long enough to decide I’d like to have one.”</p>
<p>“No shit?” Gavin shifts and Connor sits up again. He lets go of Connor’s hand so he can turn to face him. His expression is hard to read. “You really want a kid?”</p>
<p>“It’s not a decision I made lightly, but yeah. I want to raise a family. The thought of all that responsibility scares me, but I’m ready for it.”</p>
<p>“Alright, but slow down a bit. I mean.” Gavin gestures to himself. “This is a long-term goal, right? Not something you just decided? I’m not exactly dad material.”</p>
<p>“I could call you daddy if you want.”</p>
<p>“Don’t you dare.”</p>
<p>Connor laughs softly. “I won’t. Do you think you could get used to the idea?”</p>
<p>Gavin scratches the bridge of his nose. “I sure as hell would have to think about it,” he says. “Like you said, it’s a big commitment. I like you and all, but we haven’t even been together, what, two months? Maybe a couple years from now. This isn’t something you’re trying to do now, are you? Adopt a kid? Or whatever method.”</p>
<p>“Sort of.”</p>
<p>Gavin stares at him. “The fuck do you mean, ‘sort of’?”</p>
<p>“I’m pregnant. Fourteen weeks,” Connor adds, because the last thing he needs is for Gavin to think he was cheating. “I didn’t have a clue until last week. I’ve thought it over and seen a doctor. I’m keeping it, Gavin.”</p>
<p>A number of emotions cross Gavin’s face then. Connor waits, watching him closely and wishing he could just will everything to be perfect and get past all the stress. He doesn’t know if he wants to stay with Gavin long-term--it’s too early to decide that--but they need to be on the same page when it comes to his kid.</p>
<p>After a long moment, Gavin’s face settles back on a neutral expression. “Congrats?”</p>
<p>“Gavin. Please.”</p>
<p>“I can’t just make this sort of decision on the spot!”</p>
<p>“I’m not asking you to,” Connor snaps. Then he sighs, mouth twitching, and tries to sound calm. “The due date’s in October. Five months,” he says. “I need you to tell me now if this is a deal breaker. If you’re serious about considering raising a child with me, take some time to think about it and decide before the summer’s over, okay? I like what we’ve got and I want to see where our relationship can go.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know.” Gavin stands and begins to pace, leaving Connor cold on the couch. “It’s not an immediate dealbreaker, I’ll give you that. I don’t date people with kids. I’m not used to moderating myself and I’ve got odd hours. Hell, you’ve got odd hours, too, weekends and nights when we’re needed. My job’s important to me and I’m still planning to advance my career. I’ve been thinking about buying a house. All of that would be put on hold with a kid.”</p>
<p>Connor sits atop one of the arms of the sofa, watching Gavin. “It would be more difficult, not put on hold.”</p>
<p>“There’s only so much I can do in a day.”</p>
<p>“Every day, there’s parents managing it.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, and look how great that turns out for some of us,” Gavin says. “My parents were bad enough it’s put me off the whole idea. I don’t know how to be nurturing, or nice, or anything like that.”</p>
<p>“So learn,” Connor challenges. “You’ve got the capability.”</p>
<p>Gavin snorts. “Like it’s that easy.”</p>
<p>“Couldn’t it be? This is all new to me, too. You should focus less on if it’s feasible and more on if it’s something you want.” Connor leans into the back of the seat, resting his cheek against the corner. “I won’t ask you to sacrifice your plans, but you’ll need to put in some work if you do want to help. Financially, I should be fine, with a bit of help and a tax break.” He chews his lip, thinking, then asks, “Let’s say we break up and stay friends. What happens then?”</p>
<p>Gavin halts in his tracks. “I end up babysitting the kid because I’m not going to not help you,” he says. “Then I get jealous when you find some other guy to date.”</p>
<p>“I’m honored,” Connor says dryly.</p>
<p>“I definitely need time to think.” Gavin runs a hand through his hair. “And probably talk it out. So, who knows about this?”</p>
<p>“My family and Hank.”</p>
<p>“You told Hank?”</p>
<p>“He’s easy to talk to! Besides, we’re friends.” Connor chuckles. He knows where Gavin’s going with this. “You can tell Tina. Everyone’s going to find out eventually. I hate that it means I have to come out, though.”</p>
<p>“I can’t even imagine.” A frown crosses his face. “Are you doing alright? Emotionally?”</p>
<p>“I’m sorting through things. It’s all complicated right now.”</p>
<p>“Hey.” Gavin steps closer, cupping Connor’s cheek in his hand, and he’s suddenly aware of the stubble he’s neglected to shave the past couple days. “Talk to me if you need to, alright? I promise I won’t be a dick if you do.”</p>
<p>Connor brings his hand up to Gavin’s. “I was thinking less talk, more ice cream and movie marathon. I’ve talked myself out over the past week.”</p>
<p>“After all that pizza?”</p>
<p>“I’m eating for two.”</p>
<p>Gavin laughs. The crinkles at the edges of his eyes are a welcome sight. “Bullshit.”</p>
<p>Connor pulls Gavin down towards him, capturing his lips in a kiss. “I actually meant at home, alone. But I’ve got time for a movie now, as long as we get to cuddle.”</p>
<p>“Deal.” Gavin kisses him again, quick and gentle, then steps away to make popcorn.</p>
<p>It’s one of the better outcomes that Connor hoped for. He settles back down onto the couch, leaning into the cushions bonelessly. He feels wrung out, the same sort of exhaustion he gets after a panic attack or a run, but there’s a lot of optimism along with it. Before this, he thought Gavin might finally be someone good for him, after a string of disappointments over the years, and he doesn’t want to choose between Gavin and his baby, because Gavin won’t win that one.</p>
<p>If he’s lucky, he’ll have another couple months of loving and feeling loved. Maybe more intimacy than they have. Knowing Gavin is easy after being his friend, but it will get harder to separate if they keep getting closer. Still, it’s what he wants, even if it ends with them going their separate ways. Connor can make do.</p>
<p>He’s got his family, after all.</p>
<p>“You okay?”</p>
<p>Connor looks up to find Gavin looking down at him, bowl of popcorn in hand. Gavin reaches over to wipe a finger across his cheek, and Connor realizes with some mortification that he has tears in his eyes.</p>
<p>“Hormones,” he mumbles as a weak excuse, wiping the tears away with the back of his hand. “It’s nothing.”</p>
<p>“C’mere.” Gavin gets himself settled on the couch and pulls Connor close, one arm wrapped around him, and sets the popcorn in Connor’s lap. “I’m gonna find us a romcom to watch.”</p>
<p>Connor rests his head against Gavin’s chest and closes his eyes. “Make it a gay one.”</p>
<p>“Only the gayest for you, babe,” Gavin promises.</p>
<p>For the first time in a week, Connor feels relaxed, warm in his boyfriend’s arms and without the pressure of imminent deadlines or secrets looming over him.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Gavin proposes in July.</p>
<p>They’re watching the fireworks from the balcony of Connor’s apartment. It’s comfortably warm in the evening, and they’re sipping lemonade. Connor makes some joke he can’t remember afterwards, and Gavin smiles that dorky smile of his before getting on one knee and pulling out a ring.</p>
<p>Connor says no.</p>
<p>“It’s too much,” he says as the emotions hit him like a sack of bricks. “I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>Gavin hugs, him, shushes him, and tells him marriage is overrated. He’s made his point, anyway, and Connor hears him loud and clear.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Connor gets looks. At restaurants, buying groceries, at the park. He doesn’t get used to them, but for every glance or whisper a stranger makes, there’s a kind word from his mother, a soft touch from his boyfriend, or a thoughtful gesture from his brothers. He’s able to move past feeling self-conscious and grasp onto the excitement, love, and wonder that fills his heart.</p>
<p>Work throws him a baby shower. It’s exactly as cheesy and awkward as office parties are, complete with cake and catered coffee, and he loves it.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>The baby arrives September 21.</p>
<p>One minute he’s talking with Captain Fowler about a case, and the next he’s excusing himself, the pain from the morning finally getting bad enough to push him to go to the hospital. It’s too early, he thinks, and Hank keeps glancing over at him worriedly from the driver’s seat, especially when he doubles over in pain for a solid minute. “Stay with me, Connor,” he says, driving a little bit faster.</p>
<p>Something must be wrong, it can’t be happening yet.</p>
<p>Turns out nothing’s wrong. Connor’s in a shitton of pain and nauseous and has awful chills, putting him in a ferociously sour mood, but he’s going through labor and that’s normal (an explanation that makes him feel like this is even more unfair, and he’s definitely never doing this again, already mentally scheduling a hysterectomy consultation). He keeps himself from snapping at anyone, and by the time Gavin gets there, he’s tired and drugged up, the pain lessened but still there.</p>
<p>It takes hours. Hours of Gavin talking nonsense to him after Hank leaves, and then his brothers and Amanda keeping him company, talking about everything and reassuring him constantly. Hank returns at some point, after which he and August are shooed from the delivery room to give the nurses space. Connor’s never felt so much love in one room.</p>
<p>After a while more of chills, contractions, and general shittiness, he finally pushes out the baby.</p>
<p>They announce that it’s a girl, healthy, and swaddle her in a soft blanket. When Connor reaches, his mind all foggy from the drugs but knowing that he desperately wants to hold her, they hand her to him and he holds her close to his chest. She’s so tiny and delicate, and she’s crying so loudly, but Connor simply stares at her with a dopey grin on his face.</p>
<p>He has a baby girl and she’s right here in his arms.</p>
<p>It feels real and unreal at the same time. “Look what I made, mom,” he whispers. “Holy shit.”</p>
<p>“I’m so proud of you,” Amanda says with a smile in her voice. She’s standing beside the bed, and so are Nines and Gavin, all peering at the baby in his arms. “You have a beautiful baby girl.”</p>
<p>The baby quiets within minutes, falling asleep quickly, and Connor feels so much awe and a fierce burst of love. “She’s perfect.”</p>
<p>“Damn right she is,” Gavin says.</p>
<p>Connor knows he’s here, but it’s different from actively acknowledging his presence, and he feels a surge of emotions all over again. “You should hold her,” he says. “You’re like… I don’t know. Honorary dad.”</p>
<p>Gavin leans forward. “You sure?”</p>
<p>“You have to give her back.”</p>
<p>“Deal.” Gavin scoops her up, his rough demeanor melting away in an instant. He coos and rocks her, and it makes Connor wonder why the guy ever thought he might not make a good father. He’s aware a single instance doesn’t have to indicate anything, of course, but the picture he sees now is the one he always knew he would.</p>
<p>When Amanda asks, Gavin relinquishes the baby to her, and even Nines gets a moment to hold her before Connor starts to get restless. He relaxes immediately once she’s back in his arms, feeling protective and whole and safe.</p>
<p>“Did we talk about names?” Connor asks. He remembers thinking about them, but not talking.</p>
<p>“You wanted to pick one out yourself,” Amanda says, glancing to Gavin for confirmation. He nods.</p>
<p>Connor exhales and closes his eyes. “I procrastinated.”</p>
<p>Gavin barks out a laugh and Nines sighs. “You don’t have to decide now,” Nines says. “You have time.”</p>
<p>“Speaking of, what is the time?”</p>
<p>Nines checks his phone. “Almost midnight. Tomorrow’s the equinox.”</p>
<p>“Is it?” Connor opens his eyes, and it’s like seeing his baby for the first time again. His heart aches with how full it is. “It’s almost fall, sweetheart.”</p>
<p>“The nurses said she looked good,” Amanda says. “If nothing comes up, she’ll get to go home with you in no time.”</p>
<p>“That’s good. I want her to be good,” Connor says. “I should name her September.”</p>
<p>“August will actually kill you,” Nines says, his smile turning into a grin.</p>
<p>Gavin pipes up. “Make the decision once you’re off the drugs, yeah? You’ll regret it otherwise.”</p>
<p>“Mhm.” He’s already made up his mind. Looking at the bright face of this new life he’s brought into the world, all wrinkled and pudgy and adorable, he knows he’s not going to regret the name he’s picked out for her:</p>
<p>Summer.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading!</p><p>You can find me on Twitter as @gildedfrost (18+), and I spend time in the <a href="https://discord.gg/2EKAAz3">New ERA</a> DBH Discord server as well!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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